YO ANXIETY!

SO, after a few months of very few problems, today i encountered one of my old flames, the rearing of the ugly head that is anxiety disorder.

Lately i've been keeping myself busy, having moved in with my partner i have spent little time alone with my thoughts and this seems to have helped a great deal. I had agreed to go into town today to sort out some finance issues but couldn't bring myself to leave the house. After 20 minutes of fumbling, ragging my hair out, outfit changes and cups of tea i decided to sod it and just leave. Weird how the sound of your own footsteps down your own quiet street can spark a spur of emotions leading to me coming majorly close to having a panic attack. I managed to make it to the roundabout half way into town before palpitations got the better of me and i turned around and came home.

The symptoms and causes of social anxiety are very varied and for the most part, simply come down to a constant fear of being judged. I find myself seeing only the bad in people and a constant paranoia of absolutely everything, i suffer from nightmares, sleepless nights, and more commonly an overwhelming fear of death, illness and being arrested! (?? - the last one is very new to me). SO, i think it's high time i finally signed up to a doctors in Brighton. Having thrown away all of my medicine a couple of weeks back and feeling very liberated for a short while i am struggling to live my day to day life without pills to fall back on. This in itself is going to be hard, i'm not a great fan of talking about my mental issues with doctors as every one so far has thrown a cocktail of pills at me and pretty much told me to deal with it.

In my search for a job i find my palms sweating at the mere thought of conversing with potential employers let alone going to a job interview, so i think it's about time i nipped this in the bud. Ugh, surprised myself by even writing this but right now i'm feeling a need to vent, and i dont fancy moaning about things that nobody seems to understand face to face. Besides this, today is boring as ever. I got up late due to too many late nights and nightmares, and have so far watched Ben Fogle (my prince) looking after some bambino wolves, and listened to the rnb singles chart. Will update later.